Spanish Restaurant and Bar Survival - 101

One of the most important aspects of hanging out in Madrid is going out to eat or to “tomar algo”, in a restaurant, café, or bar. This experience can be fantastic, due to the great food, drink and people watching available - or it can be stressful if you are a novice. Because of this, I’ve decided to put together a few tips to help out visitors, and maybe even Spain-dwellers alike, negotiate the situation.

1) Go to the right place at the right time – In Madrid, there are very strict schedules for eating and “tomaring algo”. Don’t go looking for lunch at 12:30 PM in a restaurant (or dinner at 7:00 pm). Don’t try to get a vodka martini at American happy hour time of 6:00 PM, etc. Watch and copy the natives to learn the proper times for each “activity”.

2) Learn a Few “Key Phrases” – If you don’t speak Spanish you have to learn a handful of key phrases to get you in the door and to your table. For example, at a restaurant for “la comida”, walk in with confidence (see rule #4) and say, “Dos para comer”, etc. Don’t give them a chance to doubt you.

3) You have to break the Ice – In the U.S., it is up to the staff at the restaurant to make the customer feel comfortable and welcome…not usually so in Madrid. You are the one who has to speak first to the waiter / bar-man to show him you are not a pain in the ass tourist (even though you may be). Use one of your “key phrases” like a simple “Buenas!”

4) Project Calm Assertive Energy – Make sure they can feel your calm assertive energy. Act like you belong where ever you are. Don’t let the wait-staff smell any doubt or fear on you. If they do - you’re dead. Banished to the, “I can definitely screw with this one” pile. They will then make sport of you like a cat with an injured bird. This is essential in the most intimidating of all Spanish eating venues .... the tapas bar. The tapas bar is like a war-zone. You can take no prisoners. No matter the crowds, or the fact that you can’t EVEN IMAGINE fitting in there, you MUST get to as near the bar as you can, and using one of your key phrases, LOUDLY say without fear, “Dos vinos tintos Porfavor!”

5) Be aware of the Spanish “people-categories” – Look around, there are always the same kinds of people at a Spanish restaurant or bar and Spanish waiters must put you into one of these categories to feel comfortable. Take a restaurant for example, there’s the two or three older ladies out eating after shopping, the two businessmen, the young couple with tattoos, the group of late-thirties single women smoking up a storm, the workmen dusty from the nearby obras, etc. Your job is to avoid the dreaded “unknown” category, or worse yet the “obvious tourist”. You do this by following rules #1 thru #4 and by making them doubt – just a little - which category to put you in. You’re shooting for, “Some kind of person, maybe foreign, but obviously seems to belong here”. When I eat alone, I bring a newspaper and I go for the, ”Maybe he is some kind of Business man who comes to Madrid a lot” category. Now days, Madrid is full of so many different nationalities that this should be easy if you follow rules #1 thru #4.

Or, you can forget all the above and just become a regular at one place for breakfast, another place for lunch, and another for afternoon café, then make your own dinner. They will get to know you and they will be nice. Try to pick places run by the owners. Oh, and at the tapas bar, just get a Spanish friend to do the ordering – that’s what I do, those places scare the crap out of me.