Airport Stories

Serious About Not Smoking

So I’m passing through London Heathrow on my way to Madrid. We are the usual throng of passengers / cattle going up escalators, filing into security lines, etc., and suddenly one of the official airport workers runs out from behind us and starts screaming, “ ALRIGHT WHO IS BLOODING SMOKING! WHO IS IT? THERE IS NO BLOODY SMOKING HERE. YOU WILL BE ARRESTED!” With no response from the culprit he stormed back to his position – very satisfied with himself.

He really did see us as cattle and not worthy of much respect. There is no way an American airport worker could get away with treating passengers like that. For the record, I didn’t smell any smoking.

If Looks Could Kill

So I’m trying to make a connecting flight in London but I don’t have my British Airlines boarding pass for Madrid. I head for the BA line but am told that Iberia runs that flight. I groan. The BA line looks pretty good but as usual, the Iberia line has one person working. I have 1 hour to get on the plane.

The Iberia line consists of about 8-12 people, mostly Pakistani men – then me. Each Pakistani passenger’s transaction seems to take forever with a lot of verifications of identity cards, missed communications, and hand waving. It does not look good.

Suddenly, a new Iberian lady comes out from the back (where they usually hide) and starts going through the line looking at everybody’s info – seeing if they are in the right line. She gets to me, looks at my stuff, and promptly brings me to the front of the line brandishing my American Passport for all to see. Everyone waits for me while I get my boarding pass. Now, this was because my flight was leaving not because of my nationality. But – the rest of the line pretty much wanted to kill me I think, maybe literally.